Life at this moment.
The early morning sun is lazing on my face, my bare feet on the dewy grass. There’s an incredible bustle of birds all around me, either they’re not shy, or they haven’t taken notice of me. Maybe I’m blending in too perfectly with the little patch of grass I’m sitting in, overgrown with weeds and honeysuckle, cluttered with drying laundry and forgotten toys.
Sitting here seems counterproductive. I’m running behind. I’ve got a lot of hoops to jump through. I’ve got battles to fight.
And for the first time in 6 month I haven’t posted a weekly blog post.
But I also know, while I’m rushing around life is passing me by. The beauty of each moment is passing me by. I’ve been avoiding being in the moment. It’s too painful. I’ve been in the moment to work on change, but I haven’t just sat with it. Been with it. Felt it’s impact. And even now, as I’m sitting here trying very hard, all I can think is, “I have to cut that Jasmine. And I have to find a way to fight the vines climbing up the house, conquering the windows, the drains.” It seems so hard not to struggle against life. There’s just no winning. And this is why I’m avoiding the moment: being with it makes me want to throw in the towel. Give up the futile fight for control of any sort. Let go of hopes, of dreams, of expectation, the past, of everything.
If someone offered me a wish right now, I'd be an itinerant monk.